I Do Not Want to Fuck My Dog

Things are terrible, hope this helps!

Hello all,

Had the usual lots of links and thoughts ready to go but — things are bad, I know you know this, I also know this, hopefully we can take a few minutes to look at some stuff that is a little bit less bad. For a moment. Sending love.

This Fuckin Tony Soprano Dog I Keep Seeing:

Eternally obsessed with people taking my work very literally:

ID: an exchange between a person and Awards for Good Boys. the message reads “told a boy about your page and they misheard, thought it was ‘rewards for good boys,’ posts about upstanding boy cities and rewarding their achievements with free insta publicity.

Clem break:

That time I got in a fight (I’m chill!) with a man about my dog being hot:

ID: a continuation of the previous conversation. It has escalated indeed, with the stranger pointing out that dogs are friends and not for sexually objectifying. Shelby clarifies that she does not actually want to fuck her dog, but does believe the dog is hot.
ID: continuation of above, it is very strange. Notable references here include the stranger responding that they follow the page because Shelby is “like the Michael Jordan of passive aggression.” An honor!


ID: an awards for good boys trophy that reads “as a good brand(tm), posted an aesthetic call for “equality” and then in smaller font underneath, “yes it was made by underpaid social manager and done to obscure unsavory workplace conditions now please clap!!!”

Similar sentiment but in my book:

ID: an excerpt from Awards for Good Boys the book that discusses how brands can perform “goodness” and seem both on the right side of history / heroic for…uh, amassing capital while pretending to care a bit

A short film in two screenshots call me Chris Marker! Presenting “Mean Girl Clickbait”

ID: a screenshot of a message Shelby sent to two people who were arguing with her in the comments section. The message invites them to discuss in the chat instead of the comments as a mercy, so as to spare embarrassment for their bad takes

ID: the honestly touching resolution to what ended up being a very long discussion between AFGB and two strangers. This screenshot has one strange saying “I’m a white privileged male that needs to be the change we need instead of playing blame games and getting frustrated over things that are out of my control.” After that the other stranger chimes in and says “loving ur self awareness Travis.”

Florida lizard breaks world poop record, dies constipated

Also, here are two really helpful posts about using social media better— please read and share!

A post shared by Seeding Sovereignty (@seedingsovereignty)
A post shared by Rachel Karten (@milkkarten)

More clem:

Also, because I did not explain myself well at all, here is how the newsletter works going forward.

  • If you’re signed up already, you’ll still get free newsletters like this one!

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  • Yearly is set at $60 right now, yes I know that’s not the correct math, it’s fine, you can also give more or less! Email me — awardsforgoodboys@gmail.com and we’ll work it out.

  • I also miss being able to talk to people about love, sex, dating, weird things, etc, so will be answering more questions in future newsletters. Feel free to send me things to the above email, or follow my alt account (keep it low-key) @wifeguy to participate in AMAs.

  • Below is the button in which to change your subscription / see all the stuff. Apologies to everyone for doing approximately zero explanation around most everything, feel free to reach out with any other questions, comments, concern, photos of your dogs. (Thank you to people who send me dogs, thank you.)

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Me + Noam share a birthday, happy birthday to us, I’ll be thinking about the below for a while.

Be in touch soon with more thoughts, feelings, links, tunes, etc. Please please wear a mask, wash your hands as often as you can, try to limit who you see, reallocate money to local organizers and mutual aids if you can, signal boost, shop small, take a fucking deep breath, send that text you’ve been meaning to, or forgive yourself for not sending it yet. Shit is tough. Be easy on yourself, okay?

Shelby + Clem