Mid Year Bird Report

Also: what I'm reading

Jun 09, 2023

Everything feels a little grim so we're pivoting (back) to bird posting.

Speaking of posting—I posted on Instagram just NOW to alert my legions of followers (there really are still so many, truly wild) that I’m still shouting into the void, simply over on a different interface. If you could like and share that post, it would mean a lot, I am extremely #traumatized by social media (looking at you, meme account who made a 70-slide highlight about me and encouraged followers to chime in about how much I sucked and also why my face sucked, and then quietly archived it as though it had never happened, godspeed) but unfortunately I still need to dabble in it for “business.”

As any likes/re-sharing means you support me, love me, are inextricably bound with me, can give me a kiss, pet my dog, have my everlasting support and smidgeon of judgment because yikes, imagine liking and following ME—go on and do it. Just kidding, thanks so much for being here, I appreciate it and you even if you don’t post about it. Just like, less.

I have a new quest (outside of Zelda Tears of the Kingdom) and that is to get birds to visit my bird feeder. I got some “celebration small bird seed” at the local pet store, but then a birding-enthusiast-bartender told me I probably had the wrong seed for the season. He, and now two other birdfans, have told me I need to throw in some sunflower or pumpkin seeds. So far it has been three weeks of having bird seed outside. Not a single bird has frequented.

If there were simply no birds around, I don’t think I would be so offended, nor so obsessed with their absence. But the thing is, they are everywhere out here: pigeons often sit in clumps together on the telephone wire, occasionally I can see glimmers of red, likely a northern cardinal, there are finches, mourning doves, crows. I know it is summer and plentiful for the birds, they don’t need my handouts, but gosh, I would like them to visit my bird feeder. I will keep everyone apprised of this riveting and unfolding situation, and of course please send me tips, I just know some of you sick fucks love to bird.

I have of course bird posted before. Never forget: Drew Barrymore SAID MY NAME on her show simply because I made a tweet about, and I swear, being horny for a hot pigeon. My legacy! My influence!

It still makes me laugh so hard. It also reminds me of when I asked the wifeguy audience (miss you all) about bird facts and got this incredible response:

TFW you put your arm out the window during high school maths and grab a seagull.

Books:

I think a while ago I recommended “Roadside Picnic” which is the sci-fi the movie Stalker is based off. Here’s a book by the same brothers, it’s really good! Strange!