NSFW: Assorted Detritus On My Desktop

A visual journey

Hi all, sorry for not being more consistent about this newsletter—it really is my favorite thing to do since pivoting away from public social media, but lo and behold life is chaos and my body? It sucks! Anyways feel free to dedicate a tweet thread to how I’m a scourge on the planet (wouldn’t be the first time!) if that makes you feel better. Needless to say I love having you here, and hope you understand the infrequency is not for lack of desire, but because I move at a snail’s pace and am juggling many projects and a healthy dash of personal chaos as well as profound ennui about the state of the world. As we all are, I’m sure.

Today: detritus I’ve found on my desktop. If it sounds like a Hail Mary for content, boy are you right! On the other hand, wow do I have a real gift/curse for collecting poignant images. I hope you enjoy, maybe don’t open this one at work.

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1. Shrek fleshlight

ID: a photo of a Shrek fleshlight, which is a masturbation device. There’s a little candle next to it, maybe for scale, maybe for ambiance.

2. Still from the Netflix show “Sexy Beasts” / Living in America:

ID: a man in a panda costume says “do you have health insurance?”

3. Dog thinks parade is for him (classic)

ID: famous image of a little pup who thinks a parade is for him.

4.Review for tiny dog socks purchased because “our boys slip and slide all over.” The verdict? Not recommended, WORTHLESS

ID: screenshot from pet website with raging review about the pet socks, as well as an image of the pug wearing just one sock.

5. AXE body spray condemns storming of the Capitol

ID: Axe body spray “believes in the democratic process and the peaceful transition of power.”

6. Cormac McCarthy (coming out with two new books later this year!!!) fake tweet about the suction vibrator

ID: famous author Cormac McCarthy appears to tweet a link to the suction vibrator.

7. Washington Post, owned by Jeff Bezos, publishes op-ed about billionaires filling voids

8. One of many cartoons I have made about Jeff Bezos. Democracy dies in darkness amiright!

ID: a laurel leaf ribbon that reads “supports a free press by buying all the newspapers”

9. Speaking of voids, former Governor of NYC Andrew Cuomo with these perfect visuals next to him. “We created a void by not producing enough public information fast enough.” My dude don’t blame the void.

10. We’re back to Bezos and I downloaded Canva to make this.

ID: an image of Earth from space with text that reads “reach for the stars / you might just catch a Bezos in your hand / he’s out here”

11. Other things I’ve made with Canva: my most important message, now Instagram friendly. Please raise awareness of this important cause.

ID: a canva image that reads “in M. Night Shyamalan’s “Lady in the Water” (2006) the Lady in the Water is played by Bryce Dallas Howard, NOT Elijah Wood.”

12. It’s based on this Tweet, I deleted Twitter because [redacted]

13. I was also terrible at Twitter, which felt embarrassing as a “writer.” Luckily I enjoyed a brief period as a Birdfluencer.

ID: screenshot of Shelby’s only successful tweet about a rooster. It says “did a rooster write this.” It’s not very original.

14. Thank you to the Other Man!

ID: a story where I asked for gossip and someone responded “I cheated on my husband and the other guy left me your book afterwards as a present.”

15. Okay something I actually love besides Shrek Fleshlight, Jenny Holzer.

ID: an image of a Jenny Holzer work.

Below, a picture of my perfect dog. xoxo shelby and clem